Even If I Could
by Ms.Butler121709
Summary: Steve Rogers wasn't aware that agreeing to lead the Avengers would change everything he knew. Tony Stark wasn't aware that agreeing to work with the Avengers would change everything he knew. Maybe that was a good thing, each man finding something they didn't know was missing. TonyXSteve
1. Soldier

Captain America was a soldier. In every definition of the word; He could storm into war without a thought, walk into battle thinking of every maneuver and plan to result in the lowest number of men lost. He would defend those who needed him until the very end, even if it resulted in his own life. He was brave, just, and smart. He liked to think of himself as the ideal soldier for America.

That is until it came to feelings, he wasn't a robot. He was able to feel, but emotions were confusing and could take your mind off of what was important. Feelings resulted in disaster in the army; they were a distraction that was pleasant enough until they ruined everything you worked hard to accomplish. So emotions were removed until it whatever mission was finished. That's when the emotions showed themselves.

Steve Rogers was a man. He was human and he knew he had weaknesses. He wasn't perfect; he was awkward around women, he wasn't smart in the ways of flirting. That much he knew. But he was kind. He helped those in need. He let his emotions show when things became overwhelming. He knew when to switch them off and slip into Captain mode, but more often than not he was stuck in his head. He'd over think things, causing his fingers to itch. He would then grab his pencils and sketch book and draw. Nothing in particular, he would just let his mind flow freely. It relaxed him when he was in the middle of a war sometimes he thought couldn't be won.

But he wasn't in the army anymore, and that war was long over.

Now a new war had started, not on the battlefield but one within his heart. He was a soldier out of time. Lost in a world that changed when he remained the same. The head doctor told him he was frozen for almost 70 years. But when he thought hard about his past he couldn't remember much. Just ghosts of memories he wasn't sure he wanted to remember.

Doctors said it was a coping mechanism. One that with time may slip away and he would remember more and more as time went on. As much as he thought he might have wanted to remember, he didn't want the pain of the memories to follow him into this time. Maybe there was a reason he couldn't remember so he shouldn't push it.

Waking up 70 years in the future wasn't something anyone could get used to, but Captain America was a soldier. A great soldier and if it was required of him to adjust, he would adjust. No matter how much it pained him to feel so cut off from those around him.

He would do his duty to the country and follow any instructions that were required of him. He would do whatever was needed of him. He was a symbol of America and he would act like it.

No matter the cost.

….

Steve got out of bed; he was too caught up in his thoughts. He decided to go to the gym, the only place he felt like he belonged. It didn't matter how old you were, what situation you were in or what you were thinking.

Everyone was there with the same purposes, to let off some steam. They wanted to stop thinking and just let themselves punch or kick their frustrations out. He thought about lifting some weights before stopping himself, that wouldn't do much.

He then looked over at the punching bags and decided on taking his frustration out on the large bag would be best.

He taped his hands up, knowing if he didn't that he would mess the knuckles up and even with the serum he wouldn't heal for a few hours. Stripping off his sweater, leaving a plain white shirt on; he began punching the heavy bag.

He started slowly, allowing his body to become accustomed to the movements. Then he really let the bag have it. Really punching out his frustration, he didn't like allowing himself to get so worked up but he couldn't help it.

He couldn't do anything about what happened he had no one to turn to. Everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. was nice enough, but if wanted to talk to them they didn't really understand. So he stuck staying in his apartment only leaving to go to the gym on the first floor or to buy food when he really needed it.

Maybe this wasn't the best way to go about his situation, but every time he wandered out into the city further than the grocery store he would immediately get overwhelmed and head straight back to his apartment.

It was a vicious circle, one that Steve wanted to end more than anything else. But he just didn't have it in him.

Half an hour later he would still be found giving punch after punch to the bag, but you could see the strain it was having on it. The seams were about to give and with one final punch the chain holding it broke and the seams split sending the bag flying spilling sand as it went.

Breathing deeply, Steve assessed if he could fix the split bag or if it would be better to just buy a new one. Lost in thought he didn't hear the man walk in behind him until a hand clasped on his shoulder.

With an agility that didn't match his size he spun around in full attack mode. He stopped when he finally saw who it was.

Standing up straighter, hands clasped behind his back he gave the man his full attention. "Fury, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you."

The director waved him off. "No harm, no foul." Steve nodded. "So, Captain Rogers is this how you spend most Saturday nights?"

"It's where I feel most comfortable. I don't have to think while I'm here." Steve paused, "You have a mission?"

"As a matter of fact I do." Fury pulled out a folder.

"You trying to introduce me back into the world?" Steve asked obviously being sarcastic.

"No, save it." Steve's interest in the director flared with curiosity. Fury continued talking. "I'm here because I need your help. You see S.H.I.E.L.D. is starting a new initiative. The Avengers Initiative, we need Captain America."

Steve slowly smiled, "I don't think you need me I wouldn't know what I would be doing."

Fury ignored him, "I know you think that you don't belong. You stick to yourself. But all this is doing is hurting you. These people, the other Avengers are just as messed up as you claim to be. But let me tell you this. They need a Captain. Someone who can be there and lead them, and I know for a fact that you would be the best for the position."

Steve didn't say anything in return; Fury laid the folder down on a nearby bench and walked away. Waiting until the director left, Steve then picked up the folder. Skimming through it he caught a glimpse of what this "Avengers Initiative" was.

Shaking his head at the director's actions, he dropped the folder back to the bench. Fury knew Steve would agree in the end. Steve wouldn't give the chance to be a soldier again, even if it wasn't in the way he once was.

Steve picked the broken bag up and cleaned the mess up, but the time he was done Steve headed back up to his apartment to read more about this mission.

Little did Steve Rogers know, agreeing to help out Fury would change his life.

In what way who knows.


	2. Machine

Iron Man was a modern day hero. Everything America wanted to see in someone who was going to protect them. He was smart; he knew how to look ahead in battle to ensure that everything went as planned. He was the best result of what technology could do for the greater good, he was a machine.

A machine that did what was right in a world that was starting to do more wrong. He was a symbol of the new way of life, modern in every aspect, sometimes even borderline futuristic. And that was okay. He would be what the census wanted.

Tony Stark was a man. He was human, incredibly so. His faults far outshining anything else about him. He was narcissistic, blatantly caring more about himself than others. He was also an alcoholic, drinking at any chance he could resulting in behaviors he would regret. He knew he had problems, but instead of dealing with them he would just get another drink, the stronger the better, and drink himself into a stupor.

Maybe if he had been noticed by his father, he wouldn't be this way. Maybe if he wasn't hit with shrapnel things would be different. Maybe if he accepted the emotions he should feel he wouldn't be alone in the crowds of nameless faces.

But that was the problem; Tony was content to hide all of these conflicting thoughts from everyone around him. Using a sharp tongue and clever sarcasm, no one ever questioned the billionaire about how he was feeling. Even Pepper who knew Tony more than a normal person should didn't really know how Tony felt.

He would retreat to his lab when it got to be too much which recently was becoming almost daily. Being able to get away from others, allowing him to surround himself in technology was something that made him sometimes even stop drinking. Mostly because he forgot, but it was a good thing so he didn't think too hard about it.

He just allowed his experienced hands create whatever his mind thought of. Mostly it dealt with tweaks and updates to the Iron Man suit, but he occasionally built something new that he tested in his home. To Tony this creating was what allowed him to calm his thoughts.

He could spend hours, sometimes even days down in his lab. JARVIS reminding him he was human when it got to extreme. Tony would then leave and find food in the kitchen and then slugging into bed to sleep a few hours.

He wished that there was a way to fix himself, but resorted back to his normal self more often than not.

…

Tony rolled off the couch; he didn't even make it to his bed last night. The remains of his poorly scraped together meal lying on the coffee table. Making his way into the kitchen he called out to JARVIS, asking him to start making some strong coffee.

Waiting for the coffee to brew he grabbed some leftover Chinese from the fridge and started eating it out of the container.

The ding of the coffee maker made him stop and he poured himself a cup of the coffee. The aroma was enough to remove the last traces of sleep from his body, and drinking some of it allowed him to fully wake up.

Leaving the food on the counter and taking his coffee with him he headed down into his lab. He stayed up late working on a new system upgrade for his suit and he was almost finished. Setting the cup down, he sat in his seat and placed his feet up on the table.

"JARVIS, how far are we on uploading the new system." He took another deep drink from his mug.

"Nearly 70 percent, Sir." Tony nodded happily; it was going just how he wanted it. With nothing to do he pulled up some news stories and was reading them when JARVIS announced that an Agent Phil Coulson was arriving to his lab, and would be there in a couple minutes.

Not really wanting company he sighed. But told the AI to allow the agent in when he arrived. Not even five minutes later, the sound of the elevator opening had Tony sitting up straighter ready to hear what the Agent had to say.

"Agent, what a lovely surprise." Coulson didn't react just continued walking until he was standing opposite of Tony. Without a word the agent handed him a folder.

"I don't like to be handed things." Tony said instinctually. Coulson sat the folder down and slid it over to Tony.

"It won't bite Stark," Coulson replied. Tony reached down and picked the folder up. Reading the no nonsense print on the folder he sneered at the agent.

"I don't want anything to with this, you can take this folder and shove it up-" Tony was interrupted.

"Stark, I think you should reconsider. This is something we really need you to help with. S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't come to you unless it was dire. Well the situation's dire."

Coulson was already leaving. "Just think about it." He stepped into the elevator and turned to Tony as the doors were closing. "But make it quick."

The doors shut and Tony was left by himself to think about the folder in front of him. He knew about the Avengers Initiative but he wanted nothing to do with that. He didn't want to become a pawn for S.H.I.E.L.D. to use whenever they thought fit.

But as he flipped through the folder reading more about the other members and what they were to be doing, Tony couldn't stop thinking about how it felt to don the Iron Man suit and help people who needed him.

He cussed out into the empty lab, Coulson knew Tony wouldn't refuse and he was just pretending to allow him to think about helping, knowing in the end that he would agree to help with the initiative.

He froze on a certain page, a few papers clipped together along with the others with a picture on top. It was old, black and white of a light haired man with bright eyes smiling widely at the camera. Captain America when he first went through with the serum treatment was smiling up at Tony.

He would know that face anywhere, after he plunged the plane into the water it was all his father could talk about and even Tony sometimes when along with Howard on trips looking for the man.

Maybe he would call Coulson sooner rather than later, Tony's interest was piqued and he wanted to spend some time finding answers to the infinite questions that were forming in the genius' mind.

"JARVIS, call Coulson for me. Tell him I'll help." Muttering to himself about tricky agents, Tony walked back upstairs to get more coffee. He was going to need it more now than ever.

Little did Tony Stark know, agreeing to Coulson's request would change his life.

In what way who knows.


End file.
